Happy New Year All

Well, this fun filled year (2014) is coming to a close. Looking back one has to consider if that's a good or bad thing. Are we better, worse, or the same that we were at the end of 2013. I'm another year older, a few pounds heavier, about the same in health, but a little deeper in debt.

How are you doing? Are you better, worse, or about the same as that long ago time, December 31, 2013?

Can Jumbo Jets fly in formation

An airline make happy...

Hang your balls.

Writing Class Version 6 (final)

So here we are. The class has been completed and below is my final version. Unless of course someone reads it and finds another mistake, which I may or may not choose to do anything with. No italics this time, just the story..

It was high school senior week, which gave you the freedom to come and go around your final exam schedule. At the time, I normally lived with my foster mother on her farm during the week. But I spent most weekends at my mother’s house, some 20 miles away. On one unusual weekday morning I awoke at my mothers and asked a simple question that started a sequence of events that would rattle my world. But, of course I still claim total innocence!

I didn’t have a car yet and my question was, “could I drive you to work and then go on to the farm?” “That would be ok”, she said. I really believe there was an assumption on her part, that I would be leaving the car at the farm and taking a bus on to school. I didn’t do that of course and instead drove to school and parked in the lot, knowing about the rule of NO student cars allowed. After all I’m a senior, what could they do?

After taking my tests, I drove a friend home, which took me off my normal route to the farm. While maneuvering a slight left bend in the road, which dipped over a small stream, a car coming in the opposite direction had taken the turn too wide. As if in slow motion, it scrapped down the entire length of my car making a metallic screeching sound as it proceeded on its path. Equally slow, I could envision my entire future fading away in front of me. Fortunately, for me, it was still drivable, so after exchanging the necessary information; I headed for my mother’s. Upon arriving I saw her rushing from the house in an absolute rage. I stood there wondering what could possibly be so wrong, she certainly hadn’t seen the other side of the car yet.

Unknown to me, the school had found the car and for some reason reported it as being stolen to the state police. They, in turn, had notified some federal agency because it had a parking permit for the Veterans hospital where my mother worked. She was then notified, that they had found her stolen car.

She ranted on and on about the embarrassment of being called by both the state police and her supervisor. She then gave me the added bonus that I had been suspended from school. At a point when the tension seemed to be easing, she simply asked, “it just can’t get any worse, can it?” Remembering the accident and looking down at my feet, I told her that it really could and suggested she go out and take a closer look at the car.

Cape Cod

One of my favorite places in the world.

Writing Class Version 5

Well, here I am again. This was the final class. But, I have signed up for the next one so we'll see how that goes. As before, the version of the story that I took to class is below and itlaized. Below that are the comments from the class.

It was high school senior week, which gave you the freedom to come and go around your final exam schedule. At that time, I normally lived with my foster mother on her farm during the week. But, on this one morning I woke up at my mother’s, some 20 miles away. I asked a simple question that started a sequence of events that would shake up my world a bit. But, of course I still claim total innocence!

I didn’t have a car yet and asked if I could drive her to work and then go on to the farm. “That would be ok”, she said. I believe there was an assumption on her part, that I would be leaving the car at the farm and taking a bus on to school. I didn’t do that of course and instead drove to school and parked in the lot, knowing about the rule of NO student cars allowed. After all I’m a senior, what could they do?

After taking my tests, I drove a friend home, which took me off my normal route to the farm. While maneuvering a slight left bend in the road, which dipped over a small stream, a car coming in the opposite direction had taken the turn too wide. As if in slow motion, it scrapped down the entire length of my car making this metallic screeching sound as it proceeded on its path. Equally slow, I could envision my entire future fading away in front of me. Fortunately, for me, it was still drivable, so after exchanging the necessary information; I headed for my mother’s. Upon arriving I saw her rushing from the house in an absolute rage. I stood there wondering what could possibly be so wrong, she certainly hadn’t seen the other side of the car yet.

Unknown to me, the school had found the car and for some reason reported it as being stolen to the state police. They, in turn, notified some federal agency because it had a parking permit for the Veterans hospital where my mother worked. She was notified, in turn, that they had found her stolen car.

She ranted on and on about the embarrassment of being called by both the state police and her supervisor. She then gave me the added bonus that I had been suspended from school. At a point when the tension seemed to be easing, she simply said, “it just can’t get any worse, can it?” Remembering the car and looking down at me feet, I told her that it really could and suggested she go out and look at the opposite side.

In the first paragraph, third sentence that starts with But, on this one morning I woke up... The consensus was compared to the immaculate conception, I just appeared at another house. I need to explain, briefly, about how I got to and why I was at this new location.

In he same paragraph, fourth sentence that ends with that would shake up my world a bit.. It was felt that the word shake should be replaced with rattle.

The junction between the first and second paragraphs is kind of clunky. Try combining these.

Then throughout verify that the tense is correct on words.

How about a Christmas Kiss??

A special Christmas Ad

Little known Christmas song fact

The Great Salmon Cannon

And they said it couldn't be done..

Writing Class Version 4

Had another class last evening. I'm wondering if there will ever be a class without comments. But, then it would be perfect and we all know perfection is a thing of fairy tales. At least it felt like there were less of them. So, again the text at the class is italicized.

It was the last week of high school, called senior week. Simply put, it gave you the freedom to come and go around your final exam schedule.

On one of these mornings, I asked my mother a simple question that started a sequence of events that made my world sort of shift a bit. But, of course I still claim total innocence! I didn’t have a car yet and asked if I could drive her to work and then go on to my foster mother’s farm in Sudbury where I attended school, about a 20 minute drive. “That would be ok”, she said. I think there was, an assumption on her part that I would be leaving the car at the farm and taking a bus to school. I didn’t do that of course and instead drove to school and parked in the lot, knowing about the rule of NO student cars allowed. After all I’m a senior, what could they do?

After taking my tests, I drove a friend home, which took me off my normal route to the farm. While maneuvering a slight left bend in the road, which dipped over a small stream, a car coming in the opposite direction had taken the turn too wide and, as if in slow motion, scrapped down the entire length of the car. It was still drivable, so after exchanging the necessary information; I soon headed for my mother’s house. I arrived, to her rushing from the house in an absolute rage. I stood there wondering what could possibly be so wrong, she certainly hadn’t seen the other side of the car yet.

It seems that the school had, in fact, done something about that rule. They had found the car in the parking lot without a school sticker, but it did have a “federal” parking sticker for the hospital where my mother worked. The school called the state police and reported a stolen car. The police, in turn, notified some federal agency of the stolen car with a federal sticker. Eventually this chain had ended up with my mother.

She went on and on about the embarrassment of being called by both the state police and her supervisor. She also gave me the added bonus that I had been suspended from school. At a point when the tension seemed to be easing, she simply said, “it just can’t get any worse, can it?” Remembering the car, I told her that it really can and suggested she go out and look on the opposite side.

Class Discussion

The first two sentences should be rearranged and merged into one, starting with something like 'It was senior week and.....'

There was a lot of discussion about the second paragraph and how to explain, without going into a big description, on how to introduce and talk about having a mother as well as a foster mother. I need to think about that one and come up with a simple solution, if possible.

In the third paragraph, they felt that I should show more of my anguish. Like, describing the sound that the other car made as it scraped down the lengh of my mother's car.

Paragraph 4, and I knew this, sounds like a kluge. It has bad rhythm and not easy to read. There was confusion about the "stickers" and which was for what or where. Also, why did they report it as stolen car. This needs to be explained.

Giant spider caught on camera

Another wonder parking job

Please, someone tell me that this is a setup and not real!!

Selfie, Selfie... Different twist

Writing Class Version 3

Another class this week. We have two more to go, but then there's the spring class (in January :-)). Again I'll post the new version 3 (in italic) followed by discussion and comments from the class.

It was the last week of high school, called senior week. Simply put, it gave you the freedom to come and go around your final exam schedule.

On one momentous day, the world sort of shifted a bit for me, but of course I still claim total innocence! It started on a nice Monday morning in June, after breakfast. I didn’t have a car yet and asked my mother if I could drive her to work and then go on to Sudbury where I attended school, about a 20 minute drive. “That would be ok”, she said. I think that there was, an assumption on her part that I would be leaving the car at the farm and taking the bus to school. I didn’t do that of course and instead drove to school and parked in the lot, knowing full well about the rule of NO student cars allowed. I just figured, what would they do? After all, I’m a senior.

After taking my tests, I drove a friend home, which took me off my normal route to the farm. While maneuvering a slight left bend in the road, which dipped over a small stream, a car coming in the opposite direction had taken the turn too wide and, almost as if in slow motion, scrapped down the entire length of the car. It was still drivable, so after exchanging the necessary paperwork; I soon headed for my mother’s house. With my tail between my legs, I arrived, to her rushing from the house in an absolute rage. I stood there wondering what could possibly be so wrong, she certainly hadn’t seen the other side of the car yet.

It seems that the school had, in fact, done something about that rule. They had found the car in the parking lot without a school sticker, but it did have a “federal” parking sticker for the hospital where my mother worked. The school called the state police and reported a stolen car. The police, in turn, notified some federal agency of the stolen car with a federal sticker. Eventually this chain had ended up with my mother.

She went on and on about the embarrassment of being called by both the state police and her supervisor. She also gave me the added bonus that I had been suspended from school. At a point when the tension seemed to be easing, she simply said, “it just can’t get any worse, can it?” Remembering the car, I sheepishly told her that it really can and suggested she go outside and look on the opposite side.

Class Discussion

In the second paragraph, first sentence "On one momentous day, the world sort of shifted a bit for me" the comments centered around the strength of this. It was almost like it was a major world catastrophic event. It certainly was to me, but not world wide. After a lot of discussion it was decided that if I removed the word momentous it would tone it back down to me. Also, this would make it staying in character, because an 18 year old would not use that word.

In the same paragraph, second sentence "I didn’t have a car yet and asked my mother if I could drive her to work and then go on to Sudbury where I attended school, about a 20 minute drive." There was a lot of confusion about this sentence and how to resolve it. You see, I actually lived in two towns and if this is brought up here it would take a lot of explanation. If I hadn't mentioned it, we are being limited to 500 words max. Anyway, the result is that I'll indicate that my destination was to my foster mother's farm in Sudbury. This, it was felt would resolve the issue is as few words as possible.

Same paragraph, next to the last sentence "knowing full well about the rule". The words full well are just not necessary. Just knowing about the rule is enough.

Third Paragraph, third sentence "so after exchanging the necessary paperwork;". In reality there is no actual paperwork that is exchanged. Therefore this should be changed to "information".

Same paragraph, next to the last sentence "With my tail between my legs, I arrived, to her rushing". The statement With my tail between my legs is a cliche and should be removed. Has no place in writing.

Last paragraph, last sentence "Remembering the car, I sheepishly told her that it really can and suggested she go outside and look on the opposite side". The work sheepishly is somewhat of a cliche as well. Maybe change it to something like, "looking at my feet". I need to think on this one.
Then in the same sentence, the word "side" is used twice very close to each other. In "go outside and look on the opposite side" you almost stumble on the work side. I'll remove side from outside so it just says 'go out and look on the opposite side'.

To be continued next week.

Writing Class Version 2

I attended another class, with the below version of my essay (in italics). Again, at the bottom I'll share comments from the class.

It was the last week of high school, called senior week. Simply put, it gave you the freedom to come and go around your final exam schedule.

On one momentous day, the world sort of shifted a bit for me, but of course I still claim total innocence! It started with my staying overnight, at my mother’s house on a Sunday. I didn’t have a car yet, so in the morning I asked her if I could drive her to work and then go on to Sudbury, about a 20 minute drive. “That would be ok”, she said. There was, I think, sort of an assumption on her part that I would be leaving the car at the farm and taking the bus to school. I didn’t do that of course and instead drove to school and parked in the lot, knowing full well about the rule of NO student cars allowed. I just figured, what would they do? After all, I’m a senior.

After taking my tests, I drove a friend home and headed for the farm. While maneuvering a slight left bend in the road, which dipped over a small stream, a car coming in the opposite direction took the turn too wide and, almost as if in slow motion, scrapped down the entire length of the car. It was still drivable, so after exchanging the necessary paperwork; I soon headed for my mother’s house. With my tail between my legs, I arrived, to her rushing from the house in a rage, with nostrils flaring like a lioness protecting her young. I stood there wondering what could possibly be so wrong, she certainly hadn’t seen the other side of the car.

It seems that the school, had done something about that rule. They had found the car in the parking lot without a school sticker, but it did have a “federal” parking sticker for the hospital where my mother worked. The school called the state police and reported a stolen car. The police, in turn, notified some federal agency of the stolen car with a federal sticker. Eventually this chain ended up with my mother. I now understood why she was so upset.

She went on and on about the embarrassment of being called by both the state police and her supervisor. She also gave me the added bonus that I had been suspended from school. At a point when the tension seemed to be easing, she simply said, “it just can’t get any worse, can it?” Remembering the car, I sheepishly told her that it really can and suggested she go outside and look on the opposite side.

Class Discussions
There was some discussion on my staying overnight with my mother. You see for most people this is a normal occurrence and would not have even been said, however for me it was not. This caused some confusion that sort of dictated an explanation. It was decided doing this would be taking the reader out of the story and I should simply remove it.

Another item came up concerning my driving a friend home. It was suggested for easier understandability, that I should indicate that because of driving the friend home that I had been taken off my normal path.

This following with nostrils flaring like a lioness protecting her young certainly brought up some discussion. First, no one felt that a nostril, flaring or not, would be a danger to anyone. Big teeth maybe, but not a nostril. Also the statement continued to talk about protecting her young. In this sentence, I was actually trying to show a mother's great anger at her son and not of her protecting her young. Guess, I'll be changing that.

In the statement I now understood why she was so upset it was generally accepted that, of course she'd have been mad. Do I need to state this. Again, I'll need to work on this.

That's it for now. Or at least until the next class.