When I last posted about my mother’s slide down the slippery slope of memory loss, I believe that we had visited her doctor and she had finally gotten the true picture of the situation due to the fact that my mother did not know where her car was or what kind of car is was. Well, this started a chain of events, due to the current laws. Basically if you are aware of situation like this, it is your responsibility to report it. The department of motor vehicles notified her that for medical reasons, she would need to send in her license to drive. I was surprised when she actually did this. In return she received a new ID card from the state.
Now it gets interesting. Whenever asked, she called this her new license and therefore continued to drive, even though she was told repeatedly that she didn’t have a driver’s license and was driving illegally. Over a few months, we tried to give here the opportunity to reach this decision on her own. You see, I wanted her to have the dignity of doing this on her own and not to be forced into anything. But, she was never able to and to this day still doesn’t fully understand why this has occurred.
After a visit last week to bring her a few Christmas gifts, it became obvious to me that as long as her car sat in the driveway, she would use it. Then after speaking with her insurance agent about the possibility liability to us all, the decision was made. We went again this week and simply removed the car. Of course there was lots of screaming and anger, but at least now I know she won’t be driving.
In the meantime, I have learned about a profession that I can recommend to anyone that is in a similar situation as I am. It’s called a Geriatric Care Manager or Elder Care Manager. First of all I am an only child and this experience is totally new for me. I mean how do you deal with this? I don’t have a clue. I also live 4 hours away from my mother in a different state. How do I care for her remotely and know that I’m doing the right thing. Well, I found an Elder Care Manager that is also an RN and is just right for this. I mean, I honestly believe that her goal in life is ensure that all elderly people are ok.
Time will tell though. Hopefully this information might be of some help to someone. I hope so.
This blog contains the random thoughts of a guy named Tommy. We'll share thoughts on writing, photography and anything else I want, because it's my blog and not yours.
“If you think you’re too small to have an impact, try going to bed with a mosquito in the room”.-- Anita Roddick
5 comments:
Tommy...I am so glad to hear that there will be someone nearby to help her out. Sounds like it's needed, from here on. You did the right thing w/removing the car. You are a good son. Don't be too hard on yourself. Could you find a support group for yourself, in the area? It sounds to me like it would be a big help for you. Take care, Friend, and thanks for sharing your struggle. Wish I could be there to help you guys out. It would all be fairly new to me, as well. :-(
TC "You are a good son".
That seems to be a matter of opinion depending on who you ask. My mother might not totally agree with you and now says that she's homebound. :-( She isn't in reality, there are lot's of resources available to her.
Hopfully working with the Edler Care Manager she'll move into this phase of her life more easily. You see, I'm emotionally to close and might not be able to make the best judgements, but she's a professional and therefore can stay cool.
Thanks for the kind words TC, it helps in this tough time.
Tommy...Linda, my girlfriend's mother died from Alzheimer's about five years ago...Linda's father and she cared for her during her length of this illness...Professional help had to be called in near the end of her days...You definitely are doing the right thing...They don't know they're ill...And someone has to see they are properly taken care of...Good going...You're in our prayers...God bless...
Tommy said...
That seems to be a matter of opinion depending on who you ask. My mother might not totally agree with you and now says that she's homebound. :-( She isn't in reality, there are lot's of resources available to her.
You're right; "she isn't in reality," anymore. Her mind is deteriorating and, sadly, there doesn't seem to be much to stop it, once it's started. :-(
"Hopfully working with the Edler Care Manager she'll move into this phase of her life more easily."
Let's hope so...although I do have to say that I did watch someone w/this, for 7 years, and it's quite a challenge for them; for everyone; hence, why I suggested you find a support group for yourself. It could be quite a long haul, Tommy.
You see, I'm emotionally to close and might not be able to make the best judgements,
Yes...understandable. Another reason why it is good to get the support...and distance. The things that you just did for her were very good things to put into place. Now, it's time for you to take care of yourself, as well, Tommy.
Obviously, someone who is incapable of reason, anymore, has no business being behind the wheel. That would NOT be good; and...you have, now, put your mind at ease and guarded many lives. That's what a "good son" does, Tommy. It's parenting our parents...just like they did us, only in reverse: taking away the keys, etc.
Praise yourself for having done a good job parenting your Mom, Tommy, even though she might be grumbling about it! ALL of us grumble at change; but...change seems to be something for the greater good of all of us. :-)
I am at the end stages of helping to see an almost 100-year-old woman to passing on. First time for me. It's sad and tough but...it has also been an invaluable time of learning...about others...about myself.
but she's a professional and therefore can stay cool.
Exactly! It's really good that you can recognize this need and you filled it! Bravo!
Thanks for the kind words TC, it helps in this tough time.
You're welcome. Anytime, Tommy. And, again, please (I'm serious) try to find a support group that you (and your wife? Then, she can understand all the processes along w/you and help you along the way) can go to at least once a month or more frequent. Try to figure out how often you find yourself stressed about all of this: if it takes up a lot of your thoughts, during the day, perhaps as often as once/week might be better.
I would call your local hospital and start there. Good luck, Tommy, and...like Uncle Ron said, "Good going...You're in our prayers...God bless."
You Are A Good Son!
God Bless You!
Post a Comment