It's early in 2014 and I've had, what I believe to be, his phone number for about 8 months. Every once in a while I spot it and think, maybe today, maybe this weekend. I knew him for about 7 years. From 1957 in fifth grade until we graduated high school in 1964. I saw him once after that, but things were different. It was almost like we didn't know each other. Had nothing to say to each other. We had both moved on and we both had married and gone into the Navy. I had served my 4 years, but he had signed up for 6 and was still aboard an aircraft carrier in Rhode Island.
The first day of school in the fifth grade, which to be totally correct was my second first day in fifth grade. Due to, as I'd like to believe, a month long trip to Florida I had been held back in fifth grade. After the trip, for some reason, I was just not able to settle down and do my school work. Not that I was I was ever really able to. Anyway, there was a new kid in the class that had just moved into to town, because of his dad's job. Nobody paid much attention to him. Actually I don't think anyone really liked him much. We lived in a small country town and he just seemed to give the air of being from the big city and better than the rest of us. At least that's how I saw it.
Over time, very gradually we started talking and sharing stuff. But, it wasn't until that fateful day that we both had decided to walk home instead of taking the school bus. Walking along, we spotted a milk crate on the side of the side of the road. It had the name of the company that his dad worked for on it and he decided that he should take it home and give it to him. What ensued was the argument of the century about who would carry that crate home. We yelled, screamed, shoved and stormed around. That was the beginning of a friendship that had very deep seated feelings for me. At that point in my life, I was searching for love, friendship, anyone that would like or love and be there for me.
The Salt and Pepper twins, as we were called, had been born. We were always together. Doing everything together. He was a very special person to me as he filled a little bit of that hole in my chest, for my lack of family.
After that last time I saw him, I only heard about him one time and it was that he had moved to the mid-west and had become a State Trooper. Over the years I have often thought of him, even searching for him on the Internet. Somehow over that time I managed to put him up on a pedestal. The more I thought of him, the grander he became, being much better than I could ever be. Part of my thoughts, is that he represents a life that is now unreachable and I miss it dearly. These feelings may or may not be true, but feelings do influence your actions in a big way. After a long series of events I discovered that a person of the same name and approximate age is now living in that small town from so many years ago.
Can I call, Should I call; this is my dilemma. I just don't know. My worse fear, I guess, is that he'd not remember me. How could he do that to me? Rejection. I've lived through so much of it. Will he do this? Senior year in high school he did reject me on a smaller scale, but we did remain friends and it passed. Ever wish there were crystal balls, I sure could use one right now. Every time I think about calling my hands begin to sweat. Or I just don't think of it. Maybe there's actually a reason why I'm, just not thinking about it. Fear!
Of course he may have been looking for me as well and really wants to rekindle our friendship. Or, of course, maybe somewhere in between those extremes.
Can I call, Should I call; I'm just scared.
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